I Beg Your Pardon?
by GriffinRose
Summary: To sneak into the Emperor's palace, they disguised themselves as concubines. But where did they find the dresses in the middle of the courtyard?


_So the last time I watched Mulan, I started wondering where they got the outfits when they snuck into the palace. And thus this crack fic was born. I'm sure it's horribly inaccurate, but the idea was too funny for me to pass up._

The dragon statue proved to be ineffective against the locked doors, but what other option did they have?

"Hey guys!" Ping- No, Mulan, called. They stopped what they were doing and glanced at her. "I've got an idea." She ran off without waiting for their response.

The men glanced at each other. Ling, Yao, and Po lowered the statue and took off after her. While most of the remaining soldiers cursed after them, their general narrowed his eyes.

Mulan waited around the corner. She wasn't surprised at the three standing before her, but she was disappointed more hadn't come. All those weeks of training and trudging through the country-side, she thought she had made a few stronger bonds.

No matter. She would deal with what she had.

"Remember how I climbed up that pole to get the arrow?" she asked. She rested a hand against a column. "We can do the same thing here."

The trio looked up the columns, their jaws falling open. "Do you really think that will work?" Yao asked.

"What are we going to do once we're inside?"

"We'll need a disguise," Mulan said. This was the trickier part of her plan. "Concubines would be ideal; they're the least threatening people inside the palace who can get close to the Huns."

"Concubines?" all three repeated.

Mulan nodded. "It'll get us in. Trust me, no one suspects women."

Ling, Yao, and Po smiled to each other. "We're in."

"But where are we gonna get dresses?" Yao asked.

Mulan glanced around. She had considered that would be difficult, but she hadn't really thought of a solution yet. "Um…"

The crowd caught her attention. People in the Imperial City always dressed up more than out in the country, especially for an event like this.

"We'll ask them if we can borrow some," she said, feet already carrying her towards the people.

"You mean…" Ling started.

"We have to ask them?" Yao finished.

"No time to argue!" Mulan said. She started running.

The men sighed. "C'mon," Yao said. They followed her out to the crowd, muttering under the breath about girls and their dumb ideas.

Mulan was already trying to talk to a woman, but the woman sneered and looked away. Mulan frowned and turned back to the boys. "They aren't keen on listening to me."

Glancing at each other, Ling, Yao, and Po squared their shoulders and went up to a small group. "Listen up!" Yao said. "We have a plan to get inside, but we need to borrow some clothes from you!"

"I beg your pardon?" someone asked.

"Dresses!" Yao clarified. "We need your dresses!"

"Heathens!" a woman cried, crossing her arms protectively over her chest.

"Please, it's the only way for us to sneak into the palace!" Mulan said.

"You'd be helping us to save China!" Po added.

"And what are we supposed to wear in the meantime?" someone demanded.

The foursome looked down at their dirty, slightly sweaty training clothes and armor. "Uh…we'll trade?" Ling offered, rubbing the back of his neck.

The people looked at him and sneered, turning away.

Yao rolled up his sleeve and growled. "That's it." He grabbed a man's arm and yanked him down to his eye level. "The emperor's in danger and we're trying to do something about it! Now tell your girl there to trade clothes with us!"

"Think how much honor you'll bring your family if you help us save the emperor!" Mulan said. "We can't even get in without your help!"

That seemed to strike a chord with the man. He looked at his wife. Her mouth fell open and she promptly slapped him.

"Calm down Ma'am," Mulan said. "We wouldn't fit in your clothes anyway." The woman was smaller than Mulan but not wide enough to fit over Yao's shoulders. "But if you could help spread the word, that'd be great."

"I'm doing this for China, not for you," the woman said, scowling as she strode off through the crowd.

"I don't care if you do it for your left foot, as long as you do it," Mulan muttered.

Po, the only one to hear the comment, gave her a strange look.

Ying pulled a girl of similar stature over. She wore a yellow dress and kept her gaze on the ground. "I'm honored to help," she said. She lifted a bag. "I have make-up with me too, if you want to make it more convincing."

Mulan grinned. "That's perfect!"

It took longer than she would have liked, but they finally found people of similar builds to all of them who were willing to change clothes. The women who traded wore the training clothes as best they could while they helped apply the make-up to the men.

Finally, they stood in front of the columns again. Each of them whipped out their sashes and wrapped them around a column. Mulan grinned at her team. It was small, but she trusted each of these men with her life.

There was a tap on her shoulder, and she turned to see a timidly smiling Shang pulling the cape from off his shoulders and wrapped it around a column.

Mulan grinned. She would take any extra help she could get. And she definitely trusted Shang to watch her back.


End file.
